And How To Break The Pattern For Good
The subject of this message might sound a bit alarming, and with good reason.
We wanted to call to your attention something that should never be taken lightly, because it has the power to destroy an intimate relationship.
We’re talking about the insidious habit called blame. That’s right, blaming your partner (or yourself) can actually become an addiction – a habit you and your partner can get hooked on, and one that slowly drains the vital energy from your relationship.
Blame is the cocaine of relationships. It may even be more dangerous, because we often don’t know we are doing it, and we definitely don’t realize how bad it is for our bodies and souls.
We think blame will “fix” whatever’s happening between us, or make our partner change… but it really creates more pain and distance.
What Is Blame Addiction Covering Up In Your Relationship?
Blame takes on a very similar pattern in intimate relationships.
When you blame your partner, you temporarily take the focus off of yourself and throw it onto the other person. Instead of taking responsibility for your part in the situation, you create a distraction, and a very effective one. Blame is the ultimate cop-out.
Just like a “traditional” addiction, the need for blame escalates and starts to overtake our thinking. We can’t go an hour without a critical thought, or we look for reasons to blame whenever we can. It becomes our default go-to position.
But something else is also happening, and it’s a profound revelation.
When We End Blame, We Begin To Thrive
When we made the decision to eliminate blame from our lives, we were amazed by the profound amounts of positive energy and vitality that replaced it.
When you stop blaming, something magical – and maybe a little scary – happens: suddenly you have a lot more time on your hands!
Time to create the relationship you want together. Time for fun, and laughter. Time for your hobbies. Time for your kids. Time for self-care. For date nights.
Instead of focusing all your energy on “winning the argument” and “being right” and complaining about each other, you can now focus on what will make you happy and satisfied as a person and as a couple.
Where before your mind was running in circles with critical thoughts, now you have the space to create. The cycle of addiction loses its grip, and intimacy rushes in to take its place.
Conflict creates a spike in adrenaline. Blame actually works faster than cocaine, because in less than a second, your body is infused from inside. When both partners engage in blame, it can serve as a substitute for whatever is lacking in the relationship – usually intimacy, sex, and connection.
Locking into blame creates intense feelings, but not the good kind. Rather than coming together to solve a problem, you “point fingers” at each other and try to climb over each other in the rush to “be right.”
Your senses get all fired up – as they are when you’re making love – but with opposition rather than harmony.
Blame just fuels more disconnection and conflict. Science tells us that since adrenaline wears off quickly, it creates a vicious cycle where the couple keeps escalating the conflict in order to sustain the “high.” You’re trying to replace the joyful feelings of love, connection, and intimacy – with the destructive adrenaline of fighting, frustration, and pain.
Blame becomes our drug, and until we quit it – cold-turkey – we become slaves to it and our relationship will never flourish.
We can’t say it enough. You need to eliminate blame from your relationship, or you will never feel the joy and connection that you crave.
How To Go From The Drama Of Conflict… To The Flow of Connection
Blame can be a difficult addiction to break, especially without the right roadmap. It took us several years to figure out how to end blame and criticism in our relationship once and for all.
But now we’ve done all the trial and error, and can teach you how to live and love blame-free. We’ve been doing it for fifteen years, and trust us, it is more fun and fulfilling than you ever imagined.
In our ralationship coaching sessions and workshops, we’ll show you exactly how we stopped our own addictive blame cycle right in its tracks… and replaced it with a commitment to expanding our individual creative potential.
You will be able as you follow the advice given for banishing blame from your relationship and raising the level of positive feelings you share with your partner.
You’ll be able to quickly pinpoint when you’re in a cycle of blame. We’ll also show you how to recognize blame in your body, since when it comes to feelings, our bodies are much better and faster indicators than our brains.
And then, we’ll teach you how to replace the blame with what you’re really after: connection.
What couples don’t realize is that adrenaline, which drains and depletes you, is very different from the flow, or “harmonizing” hormones secreted when we are loving and feeling loved. And these hormones – unlike adrenaline – can be renewed and built on, time and again!
Our work helps liberate these harmonizing hormones. When we’ve taught these techniques to couples and they’ve gone just one full day without blame, they experienced huge shifts in their relationship.
We know it’s possible for you too.